Is true joy and happiness possible?

I hear people talk about being happy, or what brings them joy. Honestly, I am not sure that I have ever known true joy or happiness. Merriam-Webster defines joy as the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. It is a state of happiness or felicity. Happiness is a state of wellbeing or contentment. Do most people live in a state of joy and happiness for the most part of their lives and experience moments of sadness or sorrow? For me it seems to be the opposite. I am never content in life. I do not know what it is to experience joy on a daily basis. I experience moments of joy and happiness, but they seem few and far between. Recently, one evening, I was asked what brings me joy. The answer, I don’t know. I love my kids, and they bring me moments of joy. I have experienced joy as a nurse caring for someone that is dying, or helping others live. I have always felt great joy when I am able to preach, teach, and/or sing. These are but moments in my life.
Am I broken? As I think about this question I think about my life growing up. Joy was never a lasting feeling. I had material things, and that was supposed to bring me joy. It was the way my mom showed love. There was no holding or cuddling from a parental figure. Rarely was there a male figure present. When my mother was married, she was sure to pick a man that worked a lot. Usually these men would work off shifts. Birthdays, were celebrated with great fan fare. It looked good to people. Grand decorations, lovely cakes, and food that would be the envy of the town would fill the house. As a boy, I would remember the excitement leading up to the day. We would all wear our perfect smile for everyone to see, and laugh like we were happy inside. Then things would take a horrible twist. Out of nowhere, my mother would change. One example was my 10th birthday in 1983. The house was decorated, and my mom’s current husband Rich often took us out to camp and fish. He was by far one of the most active male figures in my life. I do not remember all of details. I do remember that I asked for a piece of my cake with something on it. The cake had a boy fishing on it. I do not recall what piece of cake, with what item on it, which I wanted. I am not even sure what or how it occurred, but my mother flipped out. That was not uncommon for her, as she was often erratic in her behavior. In a flash of a moment, she started to beat the piece of cake and ice cream in a Correlle bowl, with her fist. The dishware that is supposed to be unbreakable shattered into a million pieces. Other holidays were often similar. Christmas would start off with baking throughout the night during Christmas Eve, and lead to a joyous storybook Christmas morning. It never lasted. The joy always turned into sadness and morning.
Learned behavior taught me that material goods bring joy. As an adult, I know that is not true. I am not rich, but I have material things. They do not bring joy. Am I broken? Maybe I am. At this point in my life, I have no spiritual home. I struggle to find peace in my life working through my own struggles and brokenness. Dealing with a childhood of sexual abuse and rape that most people don’t fully understand, has been a challenge. Yet, God has allowed those things to be used for His good, as I have been able to share His amazing grace with so many people around the country. Helping those with similar history to walk out their healing has been very healing for me. Sharing with men in prison who have been victim, perpetrator or both, has brought me healing. Now if I can learn to be mindfully present and experience joy… true joy and happiness. That is my prayer for me and those like me. May the joy of God invade your heart in a way that only He can. A resurrection of the heart to experience joy everlasting.