It is January 5, 2013, and I am wondering where time has gone. A friend of mine posted a picture from Back to the Future showing that yesterday, January 4, 2013 was the day Marty McFly arrived in the future. When that movie came out in 1985, I was 12 years old. I remember thinking that 2013 seemed like forever, and that I may not ever see it. After all in the world of the Pentecostal and Charismatic movement, Jesus was prophesied to return almost every year. Back then I was adamant that it would have happened by now. The reality is I wonder if it will ever happen at all. Don't judge, this is my blog... If your not interested in my thoughts, don't read it. :)
I contemplate my life at the start of each new year. While this is common for many of us here in the United States, I often wonder if that is just because of our position in life. Are adults in Haiti thinking about their past and how it has shaped their future? Or are they merely focused on survival from one day to the next? My guess is that they are not sitting in a climate controlled environment with tons of food, running water and a computer thinking about the good, bad, and in between of their life because it is now 2013.
Resolutions... I do not make them. I do however set goals that will help me improve both my life and those people that share my life. The primary goal for me this year is to be present and aware of the here and now. Not to forget about the past, and not to focus solely on the future... I want to be present in everyday life. I have already failed in the first few days of 2013. I have been in conversations where I have been distracted; my attention not focused on the person with whom I was speaking. Today during my daughter's basketball game, I was distracted by my phone when I should have been watching her. There are many of us that do not fully understand how to be mindful and present. One thing I know for sure is that most successful people are better at this than most, and I know that I am capable. If someone is important, I have no problem giving them my undivided attention. My boss, a physician, a patient or their family in the hospital... I have the ability to give them my undivided attention. So if I truly value you as a person, should I not be able to do the same for you? What about valuing me as a person? I should be able to be aware of the present/here and now when I am alone. I'm not talking about some religious experience, I am talking about being mindful of my surroundings, emotions, thoughts, needs, desires, wants, etc. Examples of this include any daily activity that can be set to autopilot and done. For instance, driving to work or anywhere that is routine. How often do you arrive at your destination without knowing what went on during the journey? Try to focus on the sights, sounds, smells etc. of your environment. One thing I did recently is drove home from work with the windows down and the sun roof open. It was about 51 degrees, and a little nippy out, but it changed the routine. I focused on more than just getting from point A to point B.
The past is important, and I have a lot to learn from it. It should not however, be controlling of my present. I have lived that way too often. This Monday, I am doing something to help me move away from the past. I am apprehensive about doing this, but I am going to participate in a group Wounded Heart group. This is a group for adult victims of childhood sexual abuse. This is an issues I have dealt with for years. Lots of therapy, reading more books than I care to name, and ultimately healing slowly. Wounded Heart is a book by Dr Dan Allender. To date, I have been unable to read the book by myself, but over the next 29 weeks I will walk through this book with several other men that have lived similar circumstances. The group of course is confidential, but I will be sharing some of my thoughts about the book and information that is covered here in my blog. How it impacts me etc.
Interestingly, I have shared my story more than I care to mention. I have spoke groups of 10 to numbers in the thousands. In fact, I am sure there are audio recordings of my story out there someplace on the world wide web. The challenge is I have not always been present during the sharing of my story. It have been done on autopilot, often not sharing the emotion or reality of the subject. Over the next 29 weeks I plan on being present in my story. I am not sure how that will look, feel, or what it will accomplish, but I know it will move me forward. Ultimately, I hope I can help the others in my group be present and aware during the sharing of their story.
Being present is so, so tough.
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